Slushes, Slushies, and Slurpees, Oh My!

I seem to run into more and more people who say a certain phrase to me: "Stop and smell the roses."

Well, not only is that a lame cliche, but as a hyposmiac* (which means my nose is legally blind), I find it completely irrelevant, if not downright offensive. So I've come to the decision to change it.

Stop and sip the slurpee.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that's a bit 90's, maybe even 80's, but I'll roll with it, if only for my deep, undying love for 44oz. Sonic Real Fruit Slushes. Unfortunately (for you), unless you live in the part of the country that we play least (which, you, loyal reader, probably don't...), you've probably never seen a Sonic in your whole life (despite having seen a million and one commercials for it (even if you only turn on the TV to watch Lost and/or Grey's Anatomy)).

I've searched long and hard for a doctor that would insert an IV and administer a slurpee drip, but to no avail. Thus, my only solution was to (yet again) turn to The Works.

It's hard to get through the day without my fix, so I've put The Works on constant slush duty.



I wake up and hit the shower, with my favorite Herbal Essences: Scrub & Slurp. (Of course, I clean out the shower scum with my Scrubbin' Slurples)



I get ready for the day. I put on my Old Slush (with anti-anti-slurpspirant). You know I can't have slush-stains in my pits.



I sit out on the porch and throw back a slurpuccino and a quad-shot slurpresso, and I catch up with the hometown gossip with Mom.



I go for a ride on my bike, while The Works tries to keep up on his Razor scooter. We can go for about a quarter block now, before I have to walk my bike beside him.



Ahhhh... finally a chance to take a break from it all, and just enjoy a slush in the park.



I usually will just ditch my bike in the park and drive Van-Go back home.



I hit the hay pretty early, very tuckered out from my long day of slushie consumption, and have dreams of slurpee-plum faeries dancing in my head...

I don't recommend this method to anyone. Slurpee addiction is not pleasant, ladies and gentlemen. It is important to note that slushes are a lot like illegal drugs, for several reasons.

-No doctor is going to recommend them.
-Too much too fast, and you're likely to get a headache, if not something worse.
-If your friends have them and you don't, it's really annoying to listen to.
-And finally, it is uncommon, if extremely awkward, to see your parents with them, or even to hear stories about them.

I hope you found this informative, and I hope we can enjoy a slush together sometime.

<#matt

*one of my first memories of not being able to smell something was at the age of 4, having my dad clip a rose out of his garden, hold it up to my nose, and say, "See, Matthew? Doesn't that smell good?" I couldn't bring myself to break his heart, so I said, "Yes, Dada."